The Things We Cling to Consume Us
by Nighthawk88
Summary: Myka won't let go. Even if it kills her. (Bering and Wells)
1. Chapter 1

**_The Things We Cling to Consume Us_**

Trigger Warning: Just to be on the safe side, I'm going to call it **self harm **(more artifact than deliberate, but still...)

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**Part One**

It began as just an inkling of an idea, nothing more. How could it be a thought when her mind couldn't focus on anything as he said those words, "I think we might be looking at cancer"? It was just an echo, not yet even a nagging one, lost to the deafening silence of her mind as she stared past the doctor. Her only anchor in that moment was the bit of metal she clutched in her pocket. Warmed from the heat of her skin, it seemed to thrum with life, comforting, steadying life.

But even the smallest of ideas can persist. They can take root and begin to extend and branch out, laying down the groundwork for growth. It took root in those still moments between covert appointments and artifact retrievals when her fingers would slip into her pockets, running reverently over the planes, grooves and hinges of the locket,twining her fingers in its chain. When the silent echo grew to be too much, she'd pull the trinket from her pocket, whether to open it, to look at it, or just to feel its familiar presence without the bounds of cloth. It was one of the few comforts she had those days, while the doctors grew increasingly concerned with how quickly the cancer was spreading.

Artie was the first to know of her illness; the number of appointments had begun to be too numerous to hide with vague excuses. Claudia had found out next. Myka had walked into the office one morning and Claudia had just stared at her, stunned and afraid. She didn't ask how Claudia had found out, it was probably better if she didn't know the details, but just pulled the younger woman into her arms.

Pete had been the hardest to tell. She'd had a few false-starts before she managed to stumble over the words. All the while, her fingers bit into the locket, holding it desperately, trying to draw strength from it. Pete had been shocked, upset she hadn't told him sooner, but mostly, he raged at the disease that was growing in her body. That was when the idea that had echoed through her mind gained it's voice. For a moment, she wasn't in the Warehouse with Pete; she was in a bookstore in Colorado. She could almost see Helena in front of her, unkempt and remorseful, pleading, "_A hundred years ago, I went into the Bronzer filled with hate. It grew inside me like a cancer. All I thought about was what I'd lost, what the Warehouse had taken from me, turned me into."_

It was a crazy thought. The locket couldn't be causing her cancer or making it spread quickly. It was just a locket. Helena had carried it for years without any adverse effects, and Helena hadn't even had the locket on her person while she was Bronzed. While Helena's hate had been growing like a cancer, the locket had been safely stored in the Escher vault. So, it couldn't be an artifact. It was just a coincidence, or another parallel in the story of Bering and Wells- like Neanderthals, or walking away from your truth. It was just a crazy idea.

The trouble with that was Myka had seen too much to put much stock in coincidences. Her suspicion the the locket may be an artifact grew, as did her reluctance to put the idea to the test. She didn't share her suspicions with the others. The locket was one of her last tangible links to Helena; if it proved to be an artifact, she'd be forced to give that up. She stopped taking it out of her pocket when anyone else was around, stopped leaving it on her bureau when she slept. She only slept with it hanging around her neck with the warm weight of it settled against her chest, close to her heart. Even as her paranoid precautions grew, she found herself clutching it in her pocket with an increasing frequency.

She couldn't be sure who had told Helena - Pete, Claudia, Artie, it may even have been a group effort. During one of her appointments, Helena appeared minutes after Pete wandered off in search of food. Myka had felt her approach. Without looking up from her book, she tensed as Helena lowered herself into the seat beside her. Minutes passed in silence, tension swelled between them, and just when Myka could not stand it any longer, it broke.

"You should have told me, but I can understand why you wouldn't. Regardless, I am here now. I know there is much that we need to discuss, but that can wait. For now, just know that I am here. I'm not going anywhere."

Myka risked a glance at Helena, Helena who just looked at her with a mix of resolve, determination and sheer devotion, and Myka could hardly stand it. Helena's gaze left her feeling raw, exposed, vulnerable. Like always. Except, it had been some time since Myka was comfortable with Helena seeing all of her - three months, two weeks, and six days - and it made her itch in a way Helena's presence never had - before Boone. The unease clawed at every nerve ending, until all she wanted to do was run. She settled for looking away, her gaze never coming to rest on any one particular thing until she slipped her hand into her pocket. The bit of Helena that she carried with her soothing her in a way that she didn't dare allow the Helena beside her.

Any attempt at a meaningful discussion, and Helena did make a number of valiant attempts, went about as well as could be expected when Myka's distrust of Helena seemed to grow daily. Helena had backed off for the moment, hoping time would prove what her words could not, but it seemed to only make Myka bristle more, sure she was constantly being observed for any irregular behavior. Some small - very small - part of Myka wondered if Helena still knew her better than she knew herself. She stopped wearing the locket around her neck at night. Helena had taken to appearing in her room at odd hours of the night, "Just to check up on her," and it would only take a glimpse to lead to the questions she didn't want being asked. Then, the locket would be gone - and Helena gone not long after.

Instead, it remained in her pocket, and when Myka's health deteriorated to the point where she needed some assistance with some basic human needs, she kept a wary eye on her discarded article of clothing until she had safely secreted the locket away in her new change of clothes. She couldn't do more than that without rousing the others' suspicions. Not that it mattered much, in the end.

Helena eased Myka down so she could sit on the edge of the tub as she helped Myka out of her pajama pants. A routine that had become only slightly less uncomfortable over the past week. Though, Helena helping her was better than letting Pete help, she would have to admit. Her eyes never wandered, making Myka feel a little less like she was on display, and she did her best to put Myka at ease, completely aware that Myka was uncomfortable - both with needing the help and with Helena being the one to help. Myka's eyes lingered longingly on the pants as Helena meticulously folded them.

"Claudia, could you give me a hand for a moment?"

Myka panicked when Claudia walked into the bathroom, purple gloves already on her hands, "No!" Myka lunged for the pants as Helena passed them off to Claudia, or she tried to. The strength in her limbs fell short of her desperation to reach the locket before it could be taken away and neutralized. Helena caught her before she could reach Claudia - or crash headlong into the floor - and wrapped her arms firmly around Myka, holding her tight as she struggled.

"It's going to be alright, darling. Claudia, check the pockets."

"I've got it!"

"No! Don't, please! I need it!" Myka's thrashing increased, and even with her weakened condition, Helena had some difficulty controlling her. Myka tensed, her mouth open in a silent scream as sparks flew up from the static bag, before her body went limp.

"Is she okay?"

"I think so, but we'll call Dr. Calder just in case. We'll know more when she wakes. Will you help me get her back to bed?"

"Yeah." Claudia set the sealed static bag on the sink, and together they got Myka settled back in her bed.

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AN: Part two should be up in a few days.

On a side note, I was just listening to The Pretty Reckless's "Waiting for a Friend". Another song perfect for the ever-growing Bering and Wells angst playlist I've got going.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Warehouse 13

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**Part Two:**

The first thing she noticed, before even the rhythmic sounds of the monitors and the overpowering scent of antiseptic, was the sense that something was missing. The hollow pang of loss reverberating through her, becoming more intense, amplifying each sound, each breath until it felt like she was suffocating. Myka looked around the empty hospital room frantically as the memories caught up with her. The locket had been an artifact. She'd known, but hadn't wanted to let it go, even knowing the danger… and Helena! Helena had realized something was wrong.

The door creaked softly as Helena walked in, a cup of coffee in hand, and Myka couldn't look away. Even with her rumpled clothing and the dark circles beneath her eyes, Helena was beautiful - especially, when her eyes lit up and the smile stretched across her face, making the previous exhaustion seem like a mere trick of the light.

"You're awake. How are you feeling?" Helena was moving before Myka could even finish the first parched syllable. The cup of coffee, no longer necessary, was exchanged for the water on the bedside table. Helena helped her take a couple sips before setting it back on the table. "Better?"

Myka nodded. "Yes, thank you."

"And overall?" Helena inquired gently.

"It's kind of… odd. I feel better, physically, and I don't feel the overwhelming need for the artifact anymore, but I still feel…"

"The loss."

"Yeah." It had felt a little foolish, feeling sad about the loss of the thing that had been slowly killing her, but Helena's look of understanding, without seeming to judge her for it, made that vanish.

"Understandable. The feeling of loss lingers. It grips us, holding fast, never wanting to let go. And that is my fault as well."

Myka narrowed her eyes at that. "Don't start. You had no way of knowing the locket had become an artifact. It never affected you, so why would you think it would be dangerous?"

"When- How long ago did you start wearing it?"

"Since Wisconsin." Myka reached for Helena's hand when she looked away guiltily. "I brought it with to return it, but with everything that happened, I forgot about it until the ride home. Then, I just started carrying it around more and more often. By the time I realized it might be an artifact and suspected what it was doing to me...I just- I couldn't give it up. It was like having a part of you with me, the only part of you I had left."

"But I came back?" The question was posed with some hesitance, as if Helena was bracing for what she feared would be the answer, and Myka wanted to hold back to not put words to that fear. But Helena would know. She had always been able to see past the words Myka said, the words she didn't say, and just see her: her strengths, her flaws, her quirks, fears and doubts.

Myka took a deep breath, pulling together any shred of courage she could find in herself. "_Be brave. I need your strength."_ Helena's words echoed in her mind, and Myka repeated them to herself, her silent mantra.

"I didn't believe you'd stay." She gave Helena's hand a reassuring squeeze when she felt her flinch. "You came back because I was sick-"

"Myka," Helena cut in firmly, "I did _not _come back because you were ill."

Her denial seemed to be the spark, catching the insecurities that littered Myka's mind like the dozens of crumpled notes that had littered her room since Boone- notes that said too much, or not enough, or said everything wrong. "Oh, don't give me that!" Myka glared at her. "It's what you do," she added bitterly.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Helena's affronted look did little to put Myka off. "You don't show up unless something's going wrong, and then the moment the crisis is averted, you're gone. With a note, or without a word, you're just gone… until something else requires your attention." Helena tried to object, but Myka wouldn't be dissuaded. "It's been like that since the first time we worked together, and to be honest, Helena, I've given up on hoping that maybe, just maybe, one day you'll be there once the dust clears.

"So, yeah, I know I wasn't fully in my right mind, and who knows how much of my condition was the locket, but I knew that the moment I was in the clear, there'd be nothing keeping you here." Myka pulled her hand away to pick at a loose string on her blanket. "You'd be gone again, and I wouldn't even have the locket left."

"You're wrong." Helena sighed and settled her hand over Myka's, stilling the anxious fidgeting. "I have _everything_ keeping me here."

Myka's eyes flickered up to Helena for the briefest of moments before she averted her gaze and stared at their hands, not daring to look over at Helena until Helena reached her other hand up to settle under Myka's jaw.

"Myka, look at me," she waited patiently, impatiently, until Myka turned her attention back to her. "I did not come back because you were ill. No one informed me until I contacted Arthur and Mrs. Frederic about returning. I admit, once I was aware, I expedited my departure, but that was because I want to be here for you, to be here _with_ you. It was _not _because you are a crisis that must be resolved so I can move on. Understand?"

Myka nodded slowly, hesitantly.

"Good. I know it might take some time for you to accept, but I want you to know I came back because-"

The door behind them creaked open, breaking their moment of seclusion. Dr. Vanessa Calder walked in, heels clacking against the floor with each step. She glanced up from her clipboard and smiled when she noticed Myka was awake. "It's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?" She asked as she came alongside the bed, opposite Helena, and checked Myka's vitals.

"Better than before. I still feel pretty drained, definitely not up to full strength, but still… better. I feel like I have more energy, and I don't feel as weak as I did before."

Dr. Calder nodded. "That makes sense. That artifact did a number on your system, your body will likely take some time to fully recover." She sent a mild glare at Helena. "You were supposed to let me know as soon as Myka was awake. It was why you were allowed to stay outside of visitor hours."

Helena shrugged unrepentantly, and Myka had the strongest impression that Helena would have found a way past the hospital staff even if she hadn't been "allowed".

Dr. Calder shook her head, but there was a hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth. While Myka had been unconscious, she'd had a number of brushes with Helena's lack of concern for rules deemed to be unimportant, and although it had been exasperating at first, she'd quickly learned just how "in tune" Helena was when it came to Myka. The slightest irregularity in Myka's condition had Helena rabidly paging the nurses' desk, but they were otherwise altogether ignored at best. "The good news," she told Myka, "is that it seems as though the cancer started to reverse once the artifact was neutralized. The last few tests we ran show that it shrank to a small grouping of abnormal cells, so it's possible this mass was there before the artifact. We would have to do a biopsy to determine if it's benign or malignant, but I'd like to remove it regardless, just to be safe."

Myka nodded. "All right."

"Good. I'll schedule the procedure. In the meantime, there's a few people outside who would like to see you, if you're up for it?"

Myka nodded, not noticing the disgruntled look that momentarily crossed Helena's features.

"I'll send them in."

Dr. Calder had barely opened the door before Pete and Claudia bounded into the room like a pair of overly excitable puppies. "You can visit for a while, but Myka still needs to rest. I don't want you staying too long, and don't do anything to get her worked up." She turned back to Helena. "And that goes doubly for you," she added with a pointed look and a hint of a smirk.

Helena just raised an eyebrow, but otherwise said nothing. Myka blushed when she caught onto the doctor's meaning, and Helena grinned fondly at her. Neither Pete nor Claudia noticed the exchange in their excitement at seeing Myka awake and okay. They hopped up onto her bed, each taking a side, and began chattering away about the latest misadventures in inventory - Pete's fault, honestly!

Their charge to keep the visit calm, went entirely unheeded until the commotion reached the nurses station down the hall, and one of the nurses made them leave - not before tight, heartfelt hugs were exchanged with looks of relief that Myka would be okay. When the door closed on the last rapidly waving hand, Myka smiled wryly at Helena. "Are you going to keep me company until Vanessa comes back in to make sure you left too?"

Helena smirked. "Myka, they gave up on trying to kick me out quite some time ago."

Myka frowned thoughtfully. "How long have I been in here?"

"Three days. It's the evening of the third now."

"And you haven't left at all?"

"Just to the cafeteria, and Vanessa let me use one of the showers."

"You've been sleeping in here?" Helena nodded. Myka shifted over to one side of the bed and patted the empty space beside her. "Come on."

Helena raised a brow. "I'm fairly certain that's against the rules," she teased.

Myka narrowed her eyes. "So is staying past visitor hours." She patted the space beside her again. "It's got to be a lot more comfortable than that chair."

Helena smiled softly as she rose from the chair. She stopped, her hand gripping the top blanket, and looked at Myka. "Are you certain?" She voiced her concern. "I know you're still quite upset with me, and that's not something that I expect to immediately dissipate. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. I can manage well enough in the chair."

"I-" Myka started to say it was fine, she wasn't angry, but her thoughts returned to the furious words she'd spoken earlier. "I don't know. I feel like I'm all over the place right now, and my thoughts and my emotions can't seem to agree on anything. Except, I want you to stay. Here. With me." She met Helena's gaze steadily. "Please?"

Helena nodded and pulled the covers back. She settled in beside Myka, pulling her close. "I'll stay. For forever, if you'll have me."

Myka moved a little further down the bed, carefully, to avoid jostling the iv tube still attached to her and settled against Helena. With her head against Helena's chest, she could hear each beat of her heart, feel her chest rise and fall with each breath. The warmth of Helena's body surrounded her, and Myka had never felt so safe and content. And she wanted to cry, because nothing had ever felt more right. "For forever," she murmured her agreement.

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**AN:** This got a bit longer than expected, so I decided to cut it off here. The third (and hopefully final) part should be up within the next week. As always, thank you to all who have reviewed, followed, favorited, etc.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I am not the owner of Warehouse 13. The Warehouse doesn't have an owner. I am simply a member of a group of individuals that protects the Warehouse- okay, okay, I'm joking. I'm not a regent either... unfortunately (for Bering and Wells).

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**Part Three:**

"How are you feeling?" Abigail asked.

"Surprisingly well. As exhausting as the past few weeks have been, I feel like I'm finally in a good place." And she was.

Myka felt like she was finally up to full strength, and more importantly, she'd been working through a lot of underlying issues, both with and without Helena. These little chats with Abigail had been an invaluable part of that. Abigail had quickly picked up on Myka's discomfort with the traditional sessions in her office and had moved them into the kitchen or the garden. The informal setting, combined with the activity had helped Myka open up and even enjoy their sessions, and at least once a week, Abigail invited Helena to join them. The three of them, mostly Myka and Helena with Abigail acting as a moderator when necessary, would talk while making dinner or cleaning up.

Pete called it their "couples therapy", and days later, he was still complaining about the bruise Myka had left.

But they weren't a couple.

They had been taking things slowly, talking about everything from Helena losing Christina to Myka's extended vacation after Yellowstone to why Helena felt the need to create a new life for herself. They had never been more open with each other, but at the same time, they seemed to be locked in a holding pattern. The only subject they hadn't dared to broach was how they felt about each other.

"Do you think you're ready for that?" There was no judgment in Abigail's question, just some gentle prodding.

Myka considered it. "Yes, I used to wake up expecting her to be gone, used to search for evidence of her, always afraid that she might have packed up her things and left while I wasn't looking. I trust her now."

"So, what's stopping you?" Abigail asked curiously.

Myka busied herself with chopping up some vegetables and adding them to the pot.

"Myka?" Abigail prompted.

Myka sighed. Abigail never let her get away with avoiding anything for very long. "What if she doesn't feel the same way I do? What if she just sees us as really good friends, and I just make things awkward?" Myka turned sharply when she heard Abigail's laugh.

"I'm sorry," Abigail said contritely as she reigned in her amusement. "I shouldn't have laughed at you, but Myka, that's…" she stopped herself from saying it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard Myka say. "I've never seen two people more in love with each other than you two are.

"Go, talk to her. I'll finish up here."

Myka found Helena in the living room, curled up on one end of the sofa with one of the Twilight novels. "Hey." Myka sat at the other end, facing Helena, but leaving a large gap between them. "Interesting read?"

Helena looked up. "Hello, darling." She smiled brightly and closed the book with an audible thump, setting it on the table beside her. "Claudia's suggestion," she explained. "Apparently, it's quite popular."

Myka smiled. "And?"

"As far as the genre is concerned, I prefer the likes of _Dracula_ and _Carmilla_. That Dresden novel you loaned me was good too. I thought Bianca was a much more intriguing vampire than this Edward."

Myka chuckled. "Why am I not surprised?"

Helena smirked back until she noticed the time. "Is everything alright? You're usually still with Abigail at this time."

Myka shifted nervously and picked at a piece of lint on the couch. "Yeah, everything's fine. There's just something I needed to talk to you about."

Helena turned bodily towards Myka and reached for her hand. "You have my full attention, dear."

Myka looked down at where Helena ran her thumb over the back of her hand, tracing the lines of tendons and muscle, the dips between each knuckle. "I-"

Claudia burst through the doorway, grinning almost maniacally. "Myka! H.G.! You guys have _got_ to see this."

Pete poked his head around the doorway and groaned when he saw the two on the couch. Or at least, they thought it was Pete. "Thanks a lot, Claud!" The voice was much higher pitched than Pete's normal sound, more feminine sounding.

"Pete?" Myka shared a confused glance with Helena.

He groaned and stepped hesitantly into the room. His clothes hung loosely over his now slim frame. His face had thinned and taken on a more delicate appearance. His hair had grown out, framing his face, but the biggest change was the way Pete's chest had grown.

Claudia smirked gleefully. "Pete had a little mishap with an artifact."

"It wasn't my fault!" He whined. "It was a cape! Just like Superman's! It even had a big 'S' on it. How was I supposed to know _this_ would happen!" He waved his hands at his body.

"How was a cape responsible for… this?" Helena asked skeptically.

"Because the cape belonged to Christine Jorgensen."

Myka's eyes lit up in realization. "Christine Jorgensen was one of the first well known transsexuals in the U.S. It was right after World War II. Her case was part of the beginning of the huge shift in the cultural understanding of the fluidity of sexuality. She had an act as Wonder Woman for a time before she had to change it to Superwoman because of the copyright infringement. Pete! This is why Artie tells you not to play with the artifacts!"

"But Mykes, it was a cape!"

"It was still an artifact," she said sternly.

"A cape!" he whined.

"Artifact."

"Artie sent us away while he's looking into how to reverse Pete's… transformation. Personally," she stage whispered to Myka and H.G., "I think Artie's just letting Pete stew for a while to try to teach him a lesson."

Pete huffed and stormed past them. Claudia dissolved into a fit of laughter as they heard his door slam shut. "Don't mind him. He's just a bit sensitive about all of the changes his body's going through right now," she chuckled as she followed after Pete.

Myka and Helena looked at each other for a moment, processing the scene they had just witnessed, before sharing a laugh. "He's never going to learn, is he?"

"Doubtful. It's part of his charm, and I suppose it makes things interesting."

"Never a dull moment at the Warehouse," Myka agreed. "Are you sure you want to stick around with all the madness that's bound to occur?"

It was mostly a joke, but it still sobered Helena. She stopped laughing and reached out to take Myka's hand. "I'm certain." She looked Myka in the eye. "Madness included, there's no place I'd rather be."

"Good. I'm glad. Because there's no place I'd rather be than here, with the people I love- with the person I love."

They stared at each other. A small quirk of the lips played across Helena's features. "I do hope you're not talking about Pete, darling," she teased, enjoying the horrified look that caused.

"Ew, no! I meant you. I'm in love with you." The declaration was out of her mouth before Myka had even processed it, and she couldn't be sure that that hadn't been Helena's intention to begin with.

"How fortunate for me, considering I am very much in love with you, Myka Bering. I would have been devastated if you hadn't felt the same way." Though the words were said lightly, they carried a weight of truth to them that suggested the concern had been a very real fear to Helena. Just as it had been to Myka.

And Myka couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of her in that moment, because Abigail was right. They were both so obvious! And so foolish to not see just how obvious they were, especially since they each understood everything else about the other so easily.

"Abigail was right," she explained to Helena. She reached up and guided her closer, pulling Helena into a kiss. Chaste, slow, but wonderful and so long overdue. "We have been obvious, oblivious idiots in love." Helena's responding chuckle was warm against her mouth.

"I suppose we have been," she leaned, removing the last of the distance between them once again.

"Oh, god! I'm bleeding! Someone needs to fix this now!" The moment was broken with that loud, feminine shriek from upstairs.

Helena just sighed and rested her forehead against Myka's, desperately clinging to the last moments before they were sure to be interrupted. "Never a dull moment," she muttered dryly. Myka smirked sympathetically and placed a quick kiss against Helena's lips.

Their lives were chaotic. Between artifacts and the Warehouse family drama, it could never be anything less. But that was okay. Neither one of them was well suited for a quiet, normal life, and as long as they had these brief moments of respite, just the two of them, Bering and Wells, it was worth it.

**The End.**

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**AN:** All right, that's all for this story. I hope you've all enjoyed this as much as I have. Thanks again to all who have read, and or responded.


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